Future Force (1989)

A David Prior film featuring that Carradine who masturbated to death… I forget his name. David! It’s David… so, when he’s not dressed like Batman, jerking it in the closet with a rubber tube tied around his neck he is making bad movies about a future laced with violent criminals. A future so crime-ridden that bounty hunters play a larger role in fighting crime than police and government.

Carradine’s weapons include: a single-action revolver, Jeep Cherokee Chief SUV, Nintendo PowerGlove, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope and this queer little segment of a garden hose that I guess you do Tai-Chi with? OH, and a jean vest with patches, I can’t forget the patches. He is well accessorized.

The villain of the film is a white-suited rich guy named Jason. He’s just s greasy rich guy, so what? Well, a local reporter has a VHS tape with some alleged damning evidence on it and he is call in the C.O.P.S. company (the bounty hunters) to take her out… that’s how Carradine gets involved.

“You’ve been convicted of a crime. You have the right to die. If you relinquish that right you will be arrested and taken to prison.” I LOVE that line! Then, shortly after he says “Dying ain’t much of a job.” Oh come on… stealing classic Eastwood lines won’t win you any points with this reviewer, Mr. Carradine.

So we have our first car chase scene which involves a woman putting tens of shells from her 12-guage at the Cherokee Chief with no effect… in fact she misses every shot. How do you miss an unsuspecting SUV with a short-barreled 12-gauge shotgun?! She literally reloaded three times and missed with every shot. So, that’s probably 15-20 shells discharged in the direction of an SUV the largest civilian vehicle on the road.

Carradine visits a local bar a few times – it is interesting because they have some interesting decor: a half-dozen dancers and a white Gadsden flag behind the bar. I didn’t know it was common in the early 1990s.

Oh, I just realized that I haven’t caught you up on the plot. Well, Carradine caught the reporter chick and has been targeted for a bounty himself, once the greasy bad guy realized that he was going to bring her in alive. That’s the last thing Jason wants – her being questioned by anyone with authority. So, with all the other bounty hunters tracking him down he has only one ally – a good looking, yet kinda trashy woman C.O.P.S. agent named Rachel (I think). She’s the kind of chick who would enjoy going to a biker bar, getting into a fight, smoking some cigarettes and then breaking into a closed liquor store for a good ole drunken roll in the hey, then finish off the date with some pancakes at Wafflehouse at 4:30 in the morning. My kind of chick…

Well, after a car-versus helicopter shootout, that ends with a man dressed as a priest shooting the copter down with a LAW… Carradine goes after Jason. Oh, I see that there was implied sex – like this hot young reporter chick would sleep with an old fart like Carradine. No… just, no. It would have been a more appropriate casting of Kevin Sorbo, Lorenzo Lamas or Antonio Sabato Jr.

Another great line, this time in the middle of a fist fight between Carradine and the lead henchman of Jason’s organization: “Come on, Tucker. I want some more of your ass.” After beating the crap out of Carradine. This enrages the old man, who then beats the large bald man unconscious. I felt the line was too unintentionally funny to leave out of the review.

So, Tucker’s hacker friend, who hasn’t been important enough to mention until now, puts a bounty on the head of the greasy bad guy, Jason, just in time for the whole group of C.O.P.S. agents to unload their revolvers into him in the middle for their office. Everyone has a revolver in the future… except the large head henchman guy, who has a P38. That’s weird. Anyway, in the end Carradine kills the bald head henchman guy, for the third time and gets into his Jeep Cherokee… but he’s way to drunk to drive, so the lead actress gets in and drives them to “Where ever you want me to drive you.” And this turd is over!!